Family | Grammy's Corner

Kid’s and Grandparents: Grandparents’ Time Out

Grandparents’ Time Out

When my husband and I retired, we built our retirement home on beautiful Lake Cherokee with plans to travel. Each daughter wanted to know which bedroom belong to their family. Since we reside on the lake, they plan to visit more often, for longer periods of time, bringing with them the children, dogs, and cats. Along with this we are the primary caregivers four days a week for Miley, our youngest granddaughter, one year old this week; while her mother, a new single parent, works at the hospital and attends college. We have kept all of our grandchildren on a daily basis since their birth, during these past seven years. At times our home is busy as a beehive. These are moments we will treasure forever; although, stressful at times.

Peace

The number of grandparents raising their childrens’ children is increasing both in Texas and around the nation. The U.S. Census Bureau’s 2008 American Community Survey estimates almost 299,000 Texas grandparents are doing it, a nearly 7 percent increase from 2005. Nationally, more than 2.6 million grandparents are raising grandchildren, a jump of more than 6 percent since 2005, the survey found. (O’Hare, 2010).

Taking Care of Yourself

Grandparents take on this obligation when the grandchildren’s own parents are busy working, going to school, abandon them, or can no longer live with them due to medical reasons. Over a period of time, caring for grandchildren does put stress on the grandparents’ relationship. There is the loss of time with each other and their dream of retirement dies. Their social life and circle of friends dwindles drastically. But, despite considerable financial challenges of supporting a child on a fixed income; and health problems, grandparents make numerous sacrifices to provide a better life for their grandchildren. Grandparents become caregivers of their grandchildren whether full time or part time because they see no alternative. They were raised during a time that you take care of family—and family was the most important thing to them. There’s lots of love there.

Grandparents with Grandkids

But if they are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and tired, they are not going to be able to provide the best care for their grandchildren. It’s important they take care of themselves and not become overwhelmed by their parental responsibilities. Here are some suggestions to help relieve the stress:

Find a support group – either a group specifically for grandparents raising grandchildren or some other support group where you can share your challenges with others who will understand.
Talk to someone. This could be a friend or relative or a professional, such as a counselor, family doctor, or someone at your church or temple. Unburdening yourself can be a stress reliever.
Find respite care. A short time away from your grandchildren may give you some time to relax. Look for a trusted adult who can babysit or take over while you’re out. Grandparents who have access to and use respite are able to be more effective and resilient caregivers.(National Resource Center for Respite and Crisis Care Center , 1998)
Take a parenting class. A class may help you to feel more comfortable with your status as caregiver for young children. It will also provide resources in the form of your teacher and the other students in the class.
Learn to say “no”. You don’t have time to do everything. Learn to make priorities, and eliminate the unnecessary tasks in your life.
Find resources. There is lots of useful free information for grandparents. Much of it is available on the Internet.(Child Welfare Services, 2010). One example is listed below.

http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Grandparents.shtml

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Child Welfare Services. (2010, April 30). Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Retrieved June 8, 2010, from Child Welfare Information Gateway: http://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/supporting/resources/grandparents.cfm

O’Hare, P. (2010, January 18). More Grandparent Parenting Again. Retrieved June 8, 2010, from ThirdAge Articles: http://www.choicerelationships.com/third_age_articles.html

Memorial Day Memories

As I look at the United States Flag in the Memorial case given in honor of my father by the honor guard during his funeral service, I think about the true meaning of Memorial Day. He was proud to be a Marine that served at IowaJima. Memorial Day became a federal holiday to honor our war veterans on 1866. Their gravestones are marked with American flags during the three day weekend and American flags are flown at half-staff from morning till noon. Some towns have parades and concerts; the National Memorial Day Concert takes place on the White House west lawn. But the true meaning of Memorial Day has been lost, since it was changed to a Monday to give a three day weekend. Memorial Day is celebrated different ways by families. Many families gather to spend a long weekend together to launch the beginning of summer. My family is no different.

For the past thirty years, we celebrated Memorial Day at the same place with the same people, honoring the family; although, our family structure changed during those years. Thirty years ago, my brother, my parents, my husband and I purchased a home on Lake Cherokee. Every weekend we remodeled another section of the cabin to make it usable for our needs. Gradually, the work leveled off and more lake activities began to take over. As my family size increased, my mother would watch the children while we played on the lake. When dinner time came, all the women would gather in the kitchen to put the finishing touches on the meal that my mother had usually cooked. My brother married after a few years, and then everything just tripled, with my parents the hub cap of the wheel. Every Memorial Day we opened the lake house for the summer season with the family spending the long weekend together.

Now, thirty years later, a few things are different. Instead of my parents being the hubcap for the spokes, my husband and I maintain the center of the wheel. Our three daughters and their families showed up for this three day weekend full of excitement for the new season. Who keeps the children while their parents are on the lake tubing? Our daughters assume that we, Grammy and Grampy, will keep the kids. My role has followed that of my mother’s, watching the children and preparing the meals. Today for lunch, not only were the women in the kitchen, but the men were there, also. They were washing dishes, preparing the meat, cooking the meat, discussing which rubs to put on the meats. The role of the male in the kitchen has changed drastically since the onset of our lake experiences. The interaction of all the daughters, spouses, and their father in the kitchen cooking together created an image of the meaning of family not to be forgotten. Even after thirty years, some things haven’t changed, my brother and his family, and my mother still came for lunch, giving thanks for another year together with an ever growing and changing family. Tradition is still there this Memorial Day, with the focus still on the family, just the size and center of the family has changed.

http://www.usmemorialday.org/backgrnd.html